Mad Men 101 – Advertising for Men

A while ago, in the post Thank you Mad Men…, we took a look at the pioneering work done by those heroes of popular culture, advertising executives, without whom we would all be perched high on huge wads of money, unable to decide what to buy.

Convinced they were the creative forces that define and shape culture, they scrutinised society and then told us about ourselves. Not ones to miss a trick, they also decided men and women appeared to like different things… but how to sell to the different sexes?

Let’s have a look at the first of those problems…

Selling to the Male Consumer

Lesson One – Make your ad aspirational. Choose a role model every man secretly yearns to become. A figure whose suave, debonair demeanor is a byword for elegance. A man who is almost irresistible to women.

A man like Preston.

 

Preston also enjoys polo, his stamp albums and plotting revenge on school bullies

Preston also enjoys polo, his stamp albums and plotting revenge on school bullies

 

Lesson Two – Now, having identified your role model, let’s talk grooming products. Make your reader believe your product will make them attractive. No… more than attractive… almost fatal to the opposite sex.

And give her the most unfeasibly stupendous knockers ever…

And, if I defeat you I claim your Father's hand in marriage...

"And, if I defeat you fair maid, I claim your Father's hand in marriage..."

Lesson Three – Aftershave. Yes… that’s right, perfume for men. What? It’s the 1970s! Get with it man… these cats want to be groovy these days you know? They’re hip, they’re happening… this is the age of Aquarius, daddy-oh.

Oh, and put it in a big, cock-shaped bottle.

Phallus + Liquid = Scent a Man can trust

Phallic symbol + Liquid = Scent a Man can trust

Lesson Four – Now… clothes. Have you got those proofs ready for the JC Penney catalogue yet? Well hurry up! We want a centre spread, full colour… fashions this hot need to be in prime position.

Which one are you wearing this season?

Warning - Keep PimpLook™ away from naked flame

Warning - Keep your PimpLook™ away from naked flame

Lesson Five – Smoking. What are you doing leafing through those medical stats? Everyone knows smoking is about the sexiest thing a guy can do, right? Okay… we’ve got this new account. A cigar. It’s more than a cigarette, stronger… so it will be even sexier right?

What was that? You have an idea?

Okay… let’s have a look.

Wow! You’re really getting the hang of this now…

"And she knows that you know, where there's smoke there's fire"

Puff in her ear these days and she'll follow you merely to punch you in the face

Lesson Six – Don’t forget… put your man at the centre of your ad and make him the hero. In charge of his environment. The kind of man every woman would worship unconditionally.

Have a look at this new piece I’ve done for Van Heusen… see what I mean?

Does every spanked wife give their husband that doe-eyed look of love?

Does every spanked wife give their husband that doe-eyed look of love?

Lesson Seven – Now, let’s see what you can do with this Colt 45 account. It’s malt liquor see… like beer with an extra kick. Remember everything we talked about…

  • Aspirational
  • Make the man your hero
  • A little bit dangerous, almost fatally attractive to the opposite sex.
  • Fit a partially clothed woman in there somewhere.

And remember… this is malt liquor… think raw, edgy, macho.

Okay, what have you got?

"I want sex" "Shhh, I'm thinking!... Now if I move my piece to here..."

"Shhh... Now if I roll double 6..."

WHAT THE HELL!?!?!?

YOU’RE FUCKING FIRED!!!!!!

 

Further reading: Thank you Mad Men…

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2 Responses

  1. That really is a cock shaped bottle.

  2. I once knew a bloke who had a bottle shaped cock.
    Tragic

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