Boozing with Obama

Beer on the White House Lawn Yawn

Now that Gatesgate has been finally put to bed with the lovely little snuggle-in over beer on the White House lawn, this bartender would like to offer his opinion of this politically clumsy attempt to engage in some open folksy camaraderie:

It was lame!

Wait, sorry, I’ll try that again.

Laaaaaaame!!!!!

It was a good idea, but it could have been great if the Prez had taken some early advice from a couple of serious drinkers. But he didn’t (probably because there’s no official Booze Czar connected to the White House), so the mistakes came thick and fast.

Mistake #1. The whole reconciliation session only lasted forty minutes. Forty minutes!?!  C’mon guys, you can’t solve big problems in forty minutes over beer. You haven’t even laid down a decent beer buzz by then; you’ve barely progressed past the small talk. This coulda been a barnburner if they’d let the meeting run for, say, 5–6 hours. How much respect could they have garnered as the day moved into evening and the beers moved onto margaritas and tequila shots? Then to top it all off, ducking behind those bushes to relieve themselves rather than walking all the way back to the house would have sealed the blue-collar vote forever. Classy!

But the mistakes didn’t stop there.

Mistake #2. Secret service guys in suits delivering beer. Wrong!! Where’s those female interns when you need them—put them in some low-cut peasant dresses and train them to carry steins like the German frauleins at Oktoberfest. Winner!

Mistake # 3. The dress code. This wasn’t Arafat meets Rabin. Loosen it up a little, and we don’t mean just rolling your sleeves up. Its summer in Washington and Obama’s from Hawaii—Hawaiian shirts mandatory, dude! And shorts! Aloha!

Mistake #4. Not having easily remembered, responsible drinking rules. Something like this one from Back to School would be ideal: “Bring a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until somebody passes out and then bring one every 10 minutes . . . .”

There are undoubtably many more ways in which this ‘summit’ could have been improved. Suggestions please.

Cheers!

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